Trigger moment: I see a random post on the social media, some person asking if they can “just make up” a name for their band…

Seriously? How old are you? Do your parents know you’re on the Internet unsupervised? Of course you can! Why are you being so silly?

I noticed this wave of feelings, and I realized I had forgotten what it was like to be so afraid of revealing yourself, to claim your individuality from the herd. To be so young and uncertain of exhibiting any sort of creativity under the gaze of a cruel and mocking public.

I imagine coming from a place of totally repressed emotional need, and the daring and extreme arrogance of saying you have a band in today’s world, and then actually giving said band a name.

You are cruising for a social bruising, if anyone catches you thinking you are special or in any way talented.

That is so presumptuous.

I mean, really, it presumes you have some friends that play instruments and that you make some kind of noise together – but not much more than that, honestly.

Reality Check

I want to tell this young person not to worry about it. It’s not like anyone else outside of your middle school class will even care – unless you are damned good.

Whenever I hear someone say they are “in a band” I am not impressed, nor am I unimpressed. It’s like saying you have a pair of shoes. How nice for you. I too, have had many pairs of shoes.

Of course, I do live in California, where everyone is a famous actor or rock star. I guess you get used to it after a while…

The point is, news of a band simply existing brings no expectations either way, as a band must be “experienced” before an accurate reflection of one’s opinion can be formed.

Sometimes greatness emerges from the weirdest of places, and sometimes only in certain circumstances – which merits a certain name. So maybe there is some awareness of destiny and a desire to get the appropriate name for the amazing experience that will go with it.

I hereby grant you the permission of the old and in the way – go ahead you uncertain awkward little person, make up a name for your band, and rock on!

I guarantee you will have more regrets about NOT forming that band and giving it a name than you will from seizing the opportunity to live your best life.

GO AHEAD!

So my response, after a bit of consideration, is to be encouraging.

I want to not only grant my permission to this complete stranger, but also issue a challenge: come up with a name that would surprise the crackers out of me. Like, as surprised as you are to hear me say “surprise the crackers out of me”.

I love coming up with band names. I have a few awesome names reserved for bands that don’t even exist yet. That’s right, I come up with names for bands that don’t even exist, a hypothetical, yet select grouping of individuals, all originating from the exclusive realms of my crazy stoned mind. But in my mind, we rock hard. So, damned, hard…

Actually, true confession: I don’t even have a single friend who makes music right now. I guess I don’t get out much, these days – I just stay at home and play with myself…

But if I ever run into that eclectic collection of individuals, we’re ready to take the stage as a named unit.

Hehe, unit…

A “band” is a special unit measuring a moment of time and shared purpose, a special force for which a special name is given. So it is probably worth taking some time to come up with a good name in advance.

Preparation is key, and better safe than sorry, right?

Be Awesome

Make your band name something memorable and awesome, something to inspire visions of your flavor of sonic delight.

Unless your music is shit, and then you should definitely include the word “turd” in your name as fair warning. This can go far towards alleviating the pressure of performing for unknown and potentially hostile strangers.

When your name includes “turd” people shouldn’t make a fuss, they should know it could go either way.

Imagine a marquee boasting “The Flaming Turd Burglars” – tonight only!

I’d go see that band…

… at least for a couple of songs.

It might be surprisingly awesome, but based on the name, I wouldn’t be that disappointed to find out the band is shit. Truth in advertising, you know?

And even if you are shit today, who’s to say that if you stick with it, you won’t someday outgrow the name?

Whether you’re shit or not, it’s basically no pressure either way.

Be Surprising

Even better, don’t be shit.

Because even with a juvenile and idiotic name, you never know what type of musical inspiration might be masquerading behind that façade.

That freshness of your individual perspective along with the well-known tropes of coming of age can lend a novel twist that delights the jaded old souls of the unsuspecting.

Those of us who are experienced in the ways of debauchery know better than to dismiss a band based on their name alone. We’re here for you – we’ll give you a chance.

So please dare to be different, surprise us with some original sounds, and add some inspiring lyrics, if you will. Be more than a name, be a force of nature, and a testament to these times of change.

The world needs more people making music, whatever they call themselves.

Compassionate Consideration

It must be extra challenging to be a kid in today’s world.

It is unbelievably difficult to express your inner creative side in the face of so much withering scrutiny, capitalist exploitation, and childish cruelty, all being amplified through idiotic social media and AI distortion.

Every mistake is mocked and preserved for future ridicule, with a potential for reaching all around the globe in a viral celebration of humiliating misfortune.

So much of today’s “reality” is just hyper-fiction bullying, and it is impossible to avoid when there are so many miserable trolls out there. It is sad for them, really – those poor stupid trolls, unable to add anything of value to the world, just seething in their own mediocre self-hatred and misery, until it inevitably spills out as attacks on other people, like an overloaded diaper.

In today’s world we have a new coming of age moment when individuals learn basic truths about people through the “magic” of the Internet. That moment when a lifetime worth of abuse materializes in a matter of minutes from complete strangers. This can lead to an epiphany where a person realizes social media trolls are shit, that they are everywhere, and they are best ignored.

Here’s a secret to dealing with toxic trolls: just block them and then enjoy the peace of their absence. Nothing pisses them off more than being ignored.

This life lesson can also transfer into other venues beyond the Internet. It is valuable to learn how to ignore trolls, and to be selective in terms of the voices you allow to find purchase in your psyche.

Be kind to yourselves, and let your imaginations run free.

Share with the world, be creative, have fun, and do be careful about what you post on the Internet, but don’t take yourself so seriously that you never have any fun.

Give yourself permission to be young and dumb, and make mistakes you can learn from, and have fun! The reward is you get to grow into wiser and more capable people, and you have a lot more fun along the way.

None of us can be reduced to our most embarrassing moment, there is always more to the story. You’re bound to get back up and add more memories to the pile.

Own your story, and tell it your way.

There is nothing wrong with leaving a track record of the fact that you have grown up and had fun doing it. Anyone who makes fun of that basic fact still has a lot of growing up to do themselves.

Shine On

Be true to the joy in your creative heart, and don’t worry about the pathetic narcissists trolling others on social media – we all know they do that because they are afraid they are secretly shit. Ironically, they make their true nature clear as day, and it is no secret at all: trolls are total shit.

So let the creativity flow, and get out of control! Lose yourself in the joy of making music and coming up with different names for your band. If you can’t be sincere and meaningful, be stupidly funny, be bold and outrageous. Nobody owns your story but you – so you might as well make it a good one.

But please don’t just be shit. Put in the work, and make your music worthy of a cool band name, and then make that cool band name up, based on your own twisted little creative impulses.

The rest of the world will be watching, waiting, and hopeful for your success.

But no pressure.

We’re just hoping you rock!